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Greg Peters column: Hash browns and touchdowns

Greg Peters

My mom grew up with six brothers and had three sons, so it's safe to say she may have had to wipe a toilet seat or two when it was her time to visit the lavatory.

I don't recall any winning World Series' teams celebrating with Mello Yello in our bathroom, but that's what my mom said the toilet seat looked like on a weekly basis.

They say necessity is the mother of invention and it was in the case of proper toilet seat etiquette at the Peters' household.

My mom crocheted an iconic framed masterpiece, which still hangs in my parent's bathroom to this day (and still serves a purpose as numerous grandsons now grace those hallowed halls once sponsored by Mello Yello). It reads, "Be an adult, not a kid; hit the toilet, not the lid."

My mom's clairvoyant crocheted contrivance must've done something right, because to this very day, I always look down and make sure I don't "hit the lid."

It was my first introduction to bathroom advertising in the early 1980's, but there's a new suavity sheriff in town when it comes to promoting products in the lean mean fighting latrine.

I was at Kwik Trip in River Falls and they were advertising bananas at 29 cents per pound. The ad was written in permanent black marker on the rubber urinal strainer. Brilliant!

I was so impressed with the creative juxtaposition of the Kwik Trip advertising, I washed my hands and proceeded to buy two pounds of bananas. I wonder if someone, right now, is trying to corner the market on business logoed urinal cakes, those pink soap-like hockey pucks to which most anyone would christen the MVP of any public restroom facility.

Advertising, or better stated effective advertising, is sometimes more confusing than toilet seat

etiquette. One, old-school, tried and true method of advertising is still word of mouth. A few good

referrals from trusted friends in the business world is like a well-placed knick-knack in the John. I'm privy to both, pun intended.

I have two "word of mouth" referrals for you this weekend: hash browns and touchdowns. There will be plenty of both in River Falls this weekend.

If you've never had the hash browns at the Copper Kettle in River Falls, I highly suggest you do. I'm a connoisseur of hash browns from way back. It's a tricky po-tay-toe or po-tah-toe to master on the grill. If the order is over-cooked, you end up with a plate of French's Crispy Fried Onion look-a-likes. Not good.

If it's under-cooked and not crispy enough, you might as well eat an uncooked shredded baked potato.

That's a crime in many states. I grew up in Waffle House country and the hash browns at the Copper Kettle put those to shame. It's not even close. They're the perfect combination of a lil' bit country AND a lil' bit rock-n-roll. Crispy on the outside and a heaping spoonful of heaven on the inside. You can order them with anything else or just by themselves. Cheese and grilled onions on top for me, please.

After you've knocked down some hash browns at the Copper Kettle this Friday after work, walk right across the street and watch some touchdowns courtesy of the River Falls Wildcat football team. Last week the 'Cats scored 61 points on Rice Lake, defending state champs and, at the time, the third ranked team in the state.

Opposing defenses seriously have no idea which guy to stop. Quarterback Logan Graetz is picking defenses apart. He's threading the needle every night and I'm not talking crochet. Graetz can throw it deep to 6'4 wide outs Nate Rixmann or Payton Flood or hit big tight end Joe Stoffel over the middle.

They can pound the run with Seth Kohel or get the ball in the hands of the most electrifying player on the field, Jared Creen. If you stop one or two, the others have a field day.

If I had to relate the Wildcat offense to a side dish, it would be a perfectly cooked order of scattered, smothered, uncovered, and chunked hash browns. They're the side dish ready to be the main course.

I thought toilet seat etiquette and advertising was confusing; try being a defensive coordinator in the Big Rivers Conference this season.

Get your clairvoyant crochet needles out: "No Lids For These Kids. Sky's the Limit!"