Wood Working: On the road: Champagne taste on a beer budget

Talk about it

Beautiful Wife and I have made a career of going to places on the cheap.

One of our favorite memories was our two-month long honeymoon vacation to Europe in 1970. We went armed with Arthur Frommer’s “Europe on $5 a Day” and actually made it work.

Sometimes, we got through a day without spending $5 per person.

In Limerick, Ireland, for instance, we stayed at Mrs. Bridget Murphy’s Bed and Breakfast. That cost $3 and included a proper Irish breakfast.

Mrs. Murphy shooed us away from the Limerick Tourist Agency, where bicycles rented for 50 cents a day.

“You’ll be wanting to go to O’Brien’s Hardware. They’re half that price.”

They were. And Mr. O’Brien threw in a St. Christopher medal welded to the doohickey on our handlebars. We rode out to Bunratty Castle and on the way back played nine holes on a pitch and put course, 25 cents per person, clubs and balls included.

We ate a nice meal at the Royal George Hotel only for $5 total and returned to Mrs. Murphy’s B and B, where the old lady treated us each to three fingers of Paddy’s Irish whiskey.

But we’re getting older and every once in awhile we splurge and rent something better than decent. We told Carol Peterson of Extreme Destinations in Woodbury, Minn., that we wanted something special.

She sent us to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, where we stayed at an all-inclusive four-star resort called “Dreams.” I knew we were in for a classy stay when I saw the toilet in our commodious room. It had a metal disc to put over the floor drain, to keep sewer gas from creeping into the room.

In all the other Mexican resorts we’ve stayed, the sewer gas just kept coming up until we put a wet dishcloth over the drain.

Seriously, this was a classy place; not very large, maybe 200 rooms, a nice beach; five restaurants where you could eat and drink all day if you chose. There was the World Café, a huge buffet where all the young folks ate.

There was El Patio, a Mexican Restaurant; Oceana, which specialized in seafood; the Barefoot Grill, with huge burgers and hot dogs and jumbo Margaritas. Finally, there was Portofino, a fine dining Italian restaurant which was easy to get into because it required long pants.

So while we were there dining on house-made egg pasta and 12 oz. filet mignons topped with pate de fois gras, the young folks were sitting in shorts eating cold tacos at World Café. (There’s something to be said for getting old and developing varicose veins.)

Another highlight that went begging was called ”Chef’s Special Table,” where, with a reservation, you got a five course meal that changed every week. Magnifique!

Then there were the bars — five of them: Desires, Rendez-Vous, Manatee, Baracuda and Marlin. All the drinks were on the house and they weren’t just Margaritas made with junky generic tequila. Every bar handled name brand wine and liquor and beer; stuff like Bombay Sapphire Gin and Black Label scotch, plus endless trays of appetizers.

There was lots of entertainment, water aerobics, Bingo, bocce ball and handicrafts.

Beautiful Wife signed up for tennis lessons with a bronzed teacher who looked like Ricardo Montalban.

Maids redid our beds twice a day and stocked our fridge with pop, water, and beer (no charge).

Our niece, Zara Pirsig, lives in San Miguel, de Allende, about 80 miles from Puerto Vallarta. She flew in for a few days. We had hoped to rent a cot and put her in our room, but that cost almost $300 per night. So the concierge told us to rent “space” for Zara by about $15 per hour, which entitled her to unlimited food, drinks and entertainment.

So we rented her a less expensive hotel in Puerto Vallarta and she taxied back and forth for $4 per trip.

There must have been one staffer for every guest and the staffers were incredible. Ezekiel, our bellhop knew our names within one day of our arrival.

One day my wife and Zara took a local bus up into the mountains to a small town. My wife stood on the sidewalk alone, while Zara went to change money. Another bus came by carrying — guess who? — Ezekiel, who jumped off the bus and said, “Mrs. Wood, are you okey-dokey?

So how much did this all cost? Airfare from Minneapolis, room, food, drinks, entertainment?

More than Mrs. Bridget Murphy charged 40 years ago. But still only $3,200 for two, which might — just might — get us through a weekend in New York City if we watched our budget and put up with sewer gas at some down-at-the-heels hotel.

Dave would like to hear from you. Phone him at 426-9554.

Tags: dave wood, columns, travel, lifestyle, food